Fight or Flight by Jamie Canosa

Author:Jamie Canosa [Canosa, Jamie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2013-03-11T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-two

Em

She closed her eyes in an effort to hold back the tears burning like acid in her eyes, but even that couldn’t keep them at bay. They seeped under her eyelids and down her cheeks as memories of that awful night came flooding back.

She’d woken up when he’d come in the room. At first she hadn’t thought anything of it, but something felt . . . off. Without knowing why, she’d pretended to be asleep. Em could still hear the sound of his footsteps crossing the room towards her and the pounding of her heart. The cold air as the blanket was pulled away. The dip of the mattress. The feel of his body pressed up against her back. His arm around her waist.

“Christ.” Jay looked like he may become physically ill. “Em . . .”

“I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared.” Such a coward. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Em.” Jay pressed his face against her shoulder and nuzzled her neck.

Turning into him, she buried her face in his chest as he held her tight. They stayed like that—wrapped up in each other—until she was able to pull herself back together.

“I’m so sorry, Em. I shouldn’t have—” Jay’s face pinched and he shook his head again. “I’m so sorry.”

Em didn’t realize how tightly he’d been clinging to her until his grip eased and a fresh wave of pain washed over her. She stifled the whimper threatening to break free.

Jay didn’t seem to notice. His mind was elsewhere. “You never told anyone?”

“I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I was confused at first, I guess. I didn’t really understand what was going on. And then I was too ashamed to tell anyone.” She couldn’t believe she was even telling him, but the combination of fear, pain, and medication had shattered her defenses. “I’d been letting it happen for three years already, how could I possibly explain that?”

She was a slut. That’s what her uncle had said. That’s why she’d let him get away with it. She knew it wasn’t true, but that’s what everyone else would think, what Jay probably thought. God, what if he . . .

“Em, nothing that happened was your fault. You didn’t let anything happen. You don’t have to explain anything.” His expression seemed to be warring between rage and disgust, but his words made it clear that neither were aimed at her.

Jay’s words were kind, but she knew better. She knew the truth. “I was a coward. A useless coward!”

Useless coward. Useless coward. She’d called herself that for years. Screamed it at herself in the mirror every damn time, but never in front of another person.

“No!” Jay’s voice was stern, almost angry. “You were afraid. There’s a difference. And you had every right to be. No one who did what you did could ever be called a coward, Em. You left everything you knew to find a better life for yourself. You left. You saved yourself. Most people couldn’t do that. So don’t you ever call yourself a coward again.

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